Everybody Dies 1 - Everyone Dies as a Surprise

Quick primer for anyone unfamiliar with Everybody Dies, Volume 1.

Everybody Dies, Volume 1 contains fifteen stand-alone adventures for use with the fifth edition Dungeons & Dragons rulebooks. All are designed for 4-6 1st-level characters, all can be played in a single session, and all of them are utterly lethal.

That description hooked me the instant I read it. The book was made by Beadle & Grimm’s — a name I’d heard before — and a bit of research revealed that Matthew Lillard is one of the creatives behind the show, the company, and the book. As a millennial, that was the most important detail.

The Adventure

The party finds postings around a castle town calling for “True Heroes” to rescue the princess, kidnapped by an unknown beast and believed to be held in a long-abandoned tower in the royal forest.

After accepting the quest from the queen, the party gains boons from an ancient wishing well. Equipped and ready, they find the tower guarded by violent magic, angry guardians, and animated armor. With the fighting done, the beautiful princess steps forward to thank her rescuers — then reveals she’s a hungry Rakshasa who’s been using her magic to toy with her food.

The Session

This was the first time this group had played together, though not the first time they’d met. We also had a first-time D&D player. I had each player introduce their character to start.

The Cast:

• Dalphine: Fighter, trained by her father for the royal guard. She finished her training, decided the world was too large to not explore, and hit the road with nothing but her skills and equipment.
• Astrazenica: A Sorcerer whose powers were thrust on her one night hiding in a temple. Her mind touched by the gods of space and time, she now sees the world very differently than those around her.
• Cassius: Once a street urchin, now the warlock wielder of a tome of doom and corruption. He found it abandoned in an alley — a leather tome, just sitting there whispering at him.
• Satchel: A muck farmer, raised doing backbreaking labor under grey skies. One day mucking out the stables, he found his grandfather’s old chest — full of adventuring gear.

I then asked the four of them to work out how they know each other.

They quickly landed on a shared caravan traveling through a vast kingdom. Dalphine joined as a guard — a natural way to earn her keep and get her adventure started. There she met Astrazenica; despite being total opposites, Dalphine was fascinated by her rituals and teachings, even if she didn’t believe a word. Cassius snuck aboard the caravan to leave his old life behind, and Dalphine caught him — putting him to work before any officials could toss him off. The caravan’s last stop was Satchel’s family muck farm, where the angler carts haggled over inventory. Satchel saw an opportunity to find new business for the Pointman Muck Farm and hopped aboard.

The Market

The caravan arrived at the walled castle town of Lunaris. The wagons dissolved into organized chaos — goods, shouting, and the buzz of a busy evening market coming to life.

The four spread out into the crowd. As they went about their business, each noticed the same thing: every market stall had a pink note nailed to its canopy post. A desperate plea from the queen, asking true heroes to rescue her daughter from a monster. Pull tabs lined the bottom, most already torn off.

They found each other again, each holding a ticket. Dalphine was first to say it out loud — this was exactly what she’d been looking for. Former royal guard, strong feelings about helping a queen rescue her daughter. The others were more interested in the financial upside. They agreed to head toward the castle.

The Castle

Two guards were posted at the drawbridge. The one on the right stepped forward with an outstretched hand as the party approached. They handed over their slips — Satchel pretending to do so and slipping past with the others.

Inside the castle walls, the party was met with a lush garden and walled forest — vivid greens and bright color on all sides. A guard led them toward the throne room while small songbirds twittered overhead and dropped warm strawberry scones into their hands. The party ate as they walked. Satchel pocketed his.

The queen was delighted to have true heroes before her. After confirming the details, she clapped twice. A slender, greasy-haired figure in black robes emerged from behind the throne, produced a large bound scroll from his sleeve, and unrolled it — the scroll hit the floor and kept going for another ten feet, covered in addendums and side-clauses. The party signed at the bottom after some hesitation. The robed man snatched it from Satchel’s hands the moment his pen lifted, sneered, and slunk away.

The queen then led them to a lush kingswood off the throne room. In the center clearing sat an ancient cobblestone well. As they approached, soft musical words drifted up from it:

Make a wish and wish it well,
Seek a truth or gift bespelled,
Boon or bane, heroes true,
As you give, I give to you.

They stood in silence. Dalphine moved first, dropping her bow in — it came back sharper ¹. Astrazenica offered her necklace and received a locket of defense ². Cassius dropped in his warlock tome; it returned with an extra page, a rune blazing on it ³. Satchel reached into his pocket, pulled out his scone, and dropped it in. It came back with jam and clotted cream ⁴.

Happy with their boons, they asked the queen how to find the tower. She handed them a map.

The Tower

The tower sat on a small island in the center of a pond, drawbridge pulled up against its wall. Astrazenica spotted a lever and cast mage hand to pull it. The bridge dropped — and a large water elemental surged up from the moat, shouted at them for doing “his job,” and melted back down. Just before they crossed, Dalphine tossed a ball bearing onto the bridge. An arcane explosion went off, scorching a rune into the wood. Wide-eyed, the party put Dalphine at the front and had her toss marbles the whole way across, each one setting off another blast.

Inside, Astrazenica spotted a large mass of rats beneath the stairs. The rest of the party spread out, oblivious. She told Satchel, who immediately locked eyes with the swarm. Cassius saw his expression, shrieked, and hurled a firebolt. The fight was on — two Rat Kings emerged, gnashing little teeth and singing in some unintelligible language. Once defeated, the party noticed the Rat Kings had been wearing tiny clothes.

Up the stairs, they found an ornate chair and an empty mirror frame. While investigating, Cassius and Dalphine were both pulled into the mirror. Astrazenica tried to investigate without looking directly at it. Cassius, from inside, solved the problem in his own way — he threw a firebolt and shattered the mirror, ejecting both of them back into the room.

On the final floor, two rusted suits of armor stood waiting. The party noticed the rust had been scraped clean around one set of joints. Not willing to let it move first, they attacked — and quickly crumpled it to the ground. They opened the final door to find the beautiful princess, who thanked them warmly and asked if they were the true heroes she’d been expecting. Astrazenica confirmed that yes, she was very much a hero. The princess pulled her in for an unusually strong hug.

“Oh good. True heroes taste best. I’ll save you for last.”

The Princess

The princess dropped her illusion. What stood before them was a Rakshasa — a clever, powerful fiend from the Nine Hells. She dominated Satchel’s mind and turned him on his friends. One powerful flail swing brought Cassius to the ground. Astrazenica broke the spell and Satchel, free again, ate his scone.

What followed was chaos. Spells from Astrazenica and Cassius, strikes from Dalphine and Satchel, and laughter — constant, joyous laughter from the princess. She caught Dalphine’s blade, disarmed her, and hit her with a hand crackling with necrotic energy. Dalphine’s bones cracked. She crumpled and decayed into the floor. The princess toyed with Satchel’s every swing before dropping him the same way. Cassius and Astrazenica fled down the stairs, the laughter right behind them.

The princess slammed Astrazenica into a wall, then drove Cassius to the ground. As his vision dimmed, she leaned in: “Dying already? Shame. I was just starting to toy with you.”

Astrazenica saw her chance. She ran back up the stairs toward an arrow-slit window — barely wide enough. She hit it at full speed, leapt, and cast feather fall, drifting slowly down toward the moat. The moment she touched the water, the elemental reformed and screamed at her to “GET OUT!” — and launched her into the forest with everything it had. She bounced off tree trunks and landed unconscious in the dirt. The last thing she saw was two glowing green specks in the window above.

Reflections

I couldn’t be happier with how this session played out. Everyone was so quickly on-board with the adventure. They all made such varied characters but had no problem forcing them together and making them work as a group. They hit all the adventure beats and none of them needed pursuasion to buy in. We will be doing more.

There are a two things I would want to do differently if I ever ran this again.

1. Handle the well hints differently.
2. More combat prior to princess.

Well Hints

My players did not return to the poem after discovering that they got magic items. This is definitely my fault. Going forward my sessions will have more printouts and props. I think having the poem on the table would have made them return to it.

No matter what, having the queen provide 3 of the most important clues as a backup would have been good. The robed man could have returned and provided small slips of parchment with the words from other “heroes”.

More Combat

I didn’t run all possible combats, this resulted in most of the players not getting to fully utilize their characters. Tougher enemies, more combat rounds, etc. would have raised the stakes. Having exhausted most or all of their uses or spells and then having the impossible Rakshasa fight feel even more impossible.